It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
what day is it and did you see me today?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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