is your mom at the bar?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
