My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
No subtext here. People are naked.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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