i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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