when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You were trust falling into bushes
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
