Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Semen is not good for contacts.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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