Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Randomize
