She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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