I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
