I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
