please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Green mimosas i think yes
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
