My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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