dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
