I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
