My hand turned me down
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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