she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
