i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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