Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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