Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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