I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
