Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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