it was like his penis was on wheels.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
