Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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