Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
