Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
