That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
