i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
