So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
