I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
