woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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