suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
