We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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