There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Two words: blizzard sex
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
