Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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