He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
