i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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