She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
