i would punch a child for taco bell
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
