Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
