Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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