I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I think my nap took me to another dimension
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
