how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
