Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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