did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
