pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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