This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
