32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
