Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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