god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
