You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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