she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
