Buhtt sex?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
