someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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