Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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