I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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