It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
