so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
