Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
