Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
