ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
