Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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