the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
