trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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