He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
