saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
